Renowned Nigerian dance icon, Kafayat Shafau, popularly known as Kaffy, has spoken candidly about her divorce, life as a single mother of two, and the stigma often attached to divorced women in society.
Speaking on the Honest Bunch podcast with snippets uploaded on Instagram, the choreographer challenged cultural expectations that only “fresh” unmarried men and women are considered suitable for marriage.
She argued that a person’s marital history should not determine their worth or chances of finding love, stressing that many marriages fail regardless.
“I have had someone tell me because I am a single mother, they can’t even think of dating me because I have two children,” she revealed.
Kaffy insisted that divorced women should not be dismissed, noting that those who have undergone personal healing may, in fact, make stronger partners.
“What makes you think that a woman that has been divorced is not even the better candidate if she has worked on herself?
“What’s the guarantee that two single people today are not going to be divorced tomorrow?
“Why are people feeling like ‘I need to marry him fresh, I need to marry her fresh’, but both of you are going into the same data that the world has completed for you, that over 70 percent of marriages crashed. You’re part of the 70 percent,” she said.
Kaffy also addressed misconceptions about love and relationships, warning that many people mistake emotional turbulence for true affection.
“The butterflies in your tummy are a trauma response. Real love brings peace not butterflies.
“Real love is not supposed to make you anxious,” Kaffy explained.
Reflecting on her own journey, the dancer said she battled anxiety while trying to rebuild her life and provide stability for her children after her marriage collapsed.
“I know how responsible I am as a woman. I don’t sleep around, I don’t do casual stuff,” she stressed, describing herself as a mother who has shouldered her responsibilities with discipline and resilience.
Kaffy further recalled her experience after marriage, stating, “I heard even after you’ve used his youth, after you’ve used him to collect children.”
